To be frank, I do not feel like posting an entry just to elaborate the subject above.
What is more, it could also bring tears to my eyes.
Despite whatever remorseful feelings and how I kept getting in and out of a relationship, I am grateful never the least. Consequently I cannot hate them or bear very ugly thoughts or murderous ones even. Sure such a relationship would led to two souls or just one feeling sad and blue, hurt and jilted. But come to think of it, would I want a divorce or a broken engagement? I certainly would not want that. Perhaps it is another reason and another challenge before I will get into another better level, meeting another better man and getting a better outcomes rather than facing yet another predicament.
What I have yet to achieve, I made it like a "volunteer" job to help uniting other people. Which gives me some sort of an inner satisfaction seeing them tying the knots. Which I know they are meant to be together. But my situation has it that I rather carry things on my own. That "on my own" are the very 3 words that could describe my actions, behaviour, decision, etc. That too made me a good observer and a well, I should say, have a knack in good character/personality judgment. But it does take time and patience while I am carrying out the observation part. Apparently,that observer skill does help instigate my self-control too. You see, I didnt fall in love right away and managed to do it so that I will bounce back into my usual momentum in a shorter period of time after one unsuccessful relationship. It keeps me grounded and wanting to be a better person having learnt more things in life.
And tomorrow I will be rekindling an old friendship with a girl mate after nearly 6 years of moving apart. We had a fall out in 2003 and then 5 years later, we reconnected through Facebook. She's now happily married to her long time boyfriend and they have a 7 months old baby girl. What pulled us closer again is perhaps the fact that we somehow share similarities in thinking and personality having born on the same birth date and year. One was born in Sri Lanka and yours truly was born in Malaysia. During the separation, we sort of keep in touch now and then through our mutual friends. I went asking about her, and I found out that she too did the same. WE did miss so many things during that 5 years. BUT i dont know why, probably it is a cosmic thing that I actually saw her wedding reception back in 2007 March in my dream. While I did not know that she got married that time, I kept that in my heart as it was too real.
Then some time in early 2008, well, almost a year after that, we added each other in the Facebook. I collected all the courage I had and began writing her an email telling her of my dream. I told her how surprised and amazed I was when I found out that she and her husband looked exactly the same in the dream as their wedding photos. That was how we gradually revive our old friendship. She would update me with the news on her 3 months pregnancy and 6 months later bearing the news of her 1st born baby. She emailed me photos of her baby girl too, from the few days of birth to a few months old.
As we spoke on the phone, it felt like we have never been apart. I know deep down that I was and still a bit nervous of such meeting, but I am liking the fact that no matter what , we feel for each other. Whatever anger, resentment, disappointment I had is slowly dissolving. Nevertheless, I must always remind myself to not repeat the same mistake again and be more matured and sensible. The fact that she is willing to see me again is something I really appreciate. We can forgive and we can never forget.
And to my exes, thanks for still being nice and thoughtful to me even if we are no longer a couple. It is awkward and can be very awkward at times talking/meeting with an ex, but their ability to charm their way in and to put me on a pedestal is somewhat a relief and a personal victory that I know I am appreciated and will always be, which makes me a very special person. Walaupun I juga sangat mengharapkan that bakal bini diorg will suffer but tu la kan, nak marah lama2 pun ape guna. Dia akan jadi milik orang lain seperti juga saya.
What is more, it could also bring tears to my eyes.
Despite whatever remorseful feelings and how I kept getting in and out of a relationship, I am grateful never the least. Consequently I cannot hate them or bear very ugly thoughts or murderous ones even. Sure such a relationship would led to two souls or just one feeling sad and blue, hurt and jilted. But come to think of it, would I want a divorce or a broken engagement? I certainly would not want that. Perhaps it is another reason and another challenge before I will get into another better level, meeting another better man and getting a better outcomes rather than facing yet another predicament.
What I have yet to achieve, I made it like a "volunteer" job to help uniting other people. Which gives me some sort of an inner satisfaction seeing them tying the knots. Which I know they are meant to be together. But my situation has it that I rather carry things on my own. That "on my own" are the very 3 words that could describe my actions, behaviour, decision, etc. That too made me a good observer and a well, I should say, have a knack in good character/personality judgment. But it does take time and patience while I am carrying out the observation part. Apparently,that observer skill does help instigate my self-control too. You see, I didnt fall in love right away and managed to do it so that I will bounce back into my usual momentum in a shorter period of time after one unsuccessful relationship. It keeps me grounded and wanting to be a better person having learnt more things in life.
And tomorrow I will be rekindling an old friendship with a girl mate after nearly 6 years of moving apart. We had a fall out in 2003 and then 5 years later, we reconnected through Facebook. She's now happily married to her long time boyfriend and they have a 7 months old baby girl. What pulled us closer again is perhaps the fact that we somehow share similarities in thinking and personality having born on the same birth date and year. One was born in Sri Lanka and yours truly was born in Malaysia. During the separation, we sort of keep in touch now and then through our mutual friends. I went asking about her, and I found out that she too did the same. WE did miss so many things during that 5 years. BUT i dont know why, probably it is a cosmic thing that I actually saw her wedding reception back in 2007 March in my dream. While I did not know that she got married that time, I kept that in my heart as it was too real.
Then some time in early 2008, well, almost a year after that, we added each other in the Facebook. I collected all the courage I had and began writing her an email telling her of my dream. I told her how surprised and amazed I was when I found out that she and her husband looked exactly the same in the dream as their wedding photos. That was how we gradually revive our old friendship. She would update me with the news on her 3 months pregnancy and 6 months later bearing the news of her 1st born baby. She emailed me photos of her baby girl too, from the few days of birth to a few months old.
As we spoke on the phone, it felt like we have never been apart. I know deep down that I was and still a bit nervous of such meeting, but I am liking the fact that no matter what , we feel for each other. Whatever anger, resentment, disappointment I had is slowly dissolving. Nevertheless, I must always remind myself to not repeat the same mistake again and be more matured and sensible. The fact that she is willing to see me again is something I really appreciate. We can forgive and we can never forget.
And to my exes, thanks for still being nice and thoughtful to me even if we are no longer a couple. It is awkward and can be very awkward at times talking/meeting with an ex, but their ability to charm their way in and to put me on a pedestal is somewhat a relief and a personal victory that I know I am appreciated and will always be, which makes me a very special person. Walaupun I juga sangat mengharapkan that bakal bini diorg will suffer but tu la kan, nak marah lama2 pun ape guna. Dia akan jadi milik orang lain seperti juga saya.
9 comments:
i especially like that part when u said, "Walaupun I juga sangat mengharapkan that bakal bini diorg will suffer"...hahaha.
Sue, Kamu sangat la "considerate" and "thoughtful" macam saya muahahaa(gelak jahat)....
How about to your axes? Sori, dumb joke... and sori, long time, no.. visit.
It's good that you have rekindled friendship with a long lost friend. So, those networking groups/sites sure serve its purpose, eh?
Perhaps, you may want to take Facebook to another lever, say perhaps, finding your future...?
Pisces Man, I tak kisa, FB ke HUKM ke mana2 jer, i can attract jantan, takde hal. The issue here is when.
Tadi i did some shopping at a local supermarket and one of the chinese salesmen (sib baik tak huduh) kinda had a thingy with me sampai siap berebut dgn dua budak melayu (shorter than him about my height) nak layan i. And sampai nak tergelincir gitewww. And then budak2 melayu tu gelak kan dia hehe...My prowess and mojo (and perhaps pheromones) is always good my dear, just that i have yet to meet a man who is bloody serious to want to make me his wife, thats all.
saya pun kenkadang berharap begitu jua..bahkan, malah lebih teruk lagi..miahahahaha...
Makji ,Adakah ini bermakna makji memang paling ngetop!!!!
Now, why do some people love to quote that their separation is amicable? Hipokrit kan makji?
Hi,
Came from makji punya blog and read urs sinc ur on her list :) hope u don't mind
Just wanted to say that I agree with u, no halnyer nak attract male, cumanya nak cari yg betul2 serious nak nikah tu yg payah, don't know why
but in my case, I always get hit by the married men, still can't discover why...do u get that too?
Marhainis, Welcome there. Yea I did come across ur name on makji esah's blog.
Married men merenyam terlebih, tapi kecut dgn bini no.1.
hahaha agreed!! no balls lol.
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