It just gets more interesting than ever

What a month it has been so far! Admittedly not yet fully recovered and still following the malaysian political drama that is so much better than 70% malaysian TV drama (of which the remaining 30% are what i could still stomach without fidgetting or happily choosing to switch channels or go read a novel or surf the net or just go out). Speaking of the Malaysian TV drama, the latest one that I could actually watch is Sindarella, starring Sharifah Amani (of Sepet, Gubra fame), Bront Palarae, Norkhiriah (just found out how brilliant she can be, and 1st seen her in Gubra) and some few other newcomers including that ex-dangdut gedik woman, Iffa Raziah.



This month also saw meself registering (albeit a 3-month base) at a local gym centre. What an achievement eh, considering that I have left myself with no excuse any more but I just had to do something in order to rectify my uric acid level in the blood and that I NEED a place (close and safe and motivating) to destress myself. Jobloads ever increasing, responsibilities and what nots even though i am yet a married woman with husband and kids to add to the number of burdens.



My house project is now practically on the move and I shall soon be visiting some local banks to survey and subsequently apply a personal loan to proceed with renovations, refurbishment and all that matter for the new house (my own first casa). I need to learn more on the win-win investment, and then thinking on maybe investing a bit into the public mutual trust fund. Bit by bit, i need to understand and learn SOOOO many things apart from the working environment. I kinda feel old yet somehow there is some sense of fulfilment even if it's only the beginning. I went asking a few friends to get some tips and ideas on how to manage the bank loans without drying up my own savings (which is so much easier to do and me ending up a skint but with a posh desire like always, yeah whatever).



I also found out that a fren of a fren has installed security system at her new house but at the expense of higher electricity bill. Hmmm...juggling between safety and money....Safety is numero uno come what may. Therefore, I may also consider asking her some info on that alarm system.



Never knew that I had to pay a cagaran (deposit) of RM 1000 for electricity usage in a Semi-D house? Mahal nak mampossss.....Doesnt matter if the semi-d house is small, they still charge the same for that house type. I am beginning to contemplate on becoming more and more frugal on saving the energy and cutting the electricity bill in the future. I have been paying my own electricity and gas bills in London before and it was based on peak-off peak rate. IN malaysia, not sure whether that kinda rate applies or not. I seem to see my family bills all the same regardless of night and day. Damn!

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2 weeks ago, my old colleague, OKM, a young professor from Imperial College London came over for an official visit under british sterling group to our university and delivered a talk at my faculty. We knew each other before he got married. I still remember at one time, a fren of mine tried to match us up but of course it did not work that way as we didnt have any chemistry between each other apart from as mates. There was also one time , a year after he got married that he came to join us in a club down Shaftersbury Avenue in london. With quite a few fond memories we shared, it was of little wonder that the moment we were face to face, he happily acknowledged my presence in front of my superiors during our first meeting at the Chancellory building.


He and his colleague, Dr. RS were then ushered to the banquet hall and he naturally chose a seat next to me. We started with a quick chat catching up on each other before he partook in a more serious discussion concerning university collaboration, research and so on. The next agenda, my head of dept (HoD) asked me to be the unofficial tour guide for OKM and RS to see our campus and that was the moment he became more of himself and started to get a bit cheeky in their chauffeured MPV. I felt like it was only days since I left the college? And of course, from the beginning till the end, we only addressed each other on the first name basis.


GOD i missed london, and UK, and a pint of fresh milk, and Greek yoghurt with dollop of honey and pizza in Bradford, and that familiar surroundings, be it smelly or enchanting that is London.

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Our department is organizing an international Chemical Engineering conference: RSCE-SOMChE 2008 (regional south-east chemical engineering - symposium of malaysia chemical engineering) and I am the Secretary 1. Those who are interested to participate, please click here for the conference website. It is still in progress, so please apologize for some lack of material there.

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This morning, I spent like 20 minutes glued on the sofa watching the original version of "Sabrina", starring the lovely Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey "Bogey" Bogart on Astro channel cinemax 412. I have never seen it before though i have watched the newer version of the movie starring Harrison Ford, Julia Ormond and Greg Kinnear. Why ooo why must the oldies be shown during the ungodly hour (8.30am on a weekday???? fucking out). That reminded me of that one Friday morning earlier this month that I took a day off and continued watching "Roman Holiday" starring Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. I didnt feel like going to work that day and since I didnt have much to do in the office after like Four very hectic Monday-Thursday, I thought I deserve my own break and decided to watch that movie for the first time ever. Alas, I only spent 20 minutes in the morning to watch "Sabrina" but I hope i can still get to watch it if Astro would kindly play it again on a weekend morning instead!

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BACK to WORK!

Love is perhaps in the air

There were times that i dont think I'd ever have a requited love. Those were the times that I was feeling inferior for some weird reasons.

And then I found my true potentials, and things just keep going on and on.

My times in Bradford were those of:

• Knowing that I am an international person with international (middle-east, indian subcontinent and mediterranean) built physique
• That I knew that I was not actually different, I was just not cut as a typical , far-east small-built people. It wasnt my fault that I was bigger than many of them, its just that i was not exactly appreciating what I am.
• having friends who patiently trying to open up my eyes of how wonderful it is to be a real woman in our own way
• finding myself fitting in a more global society easier that I thought and blending well with the locals
  
• going around the european countries for a month on the euro-interrail backpacking with my closest friend, and she still is one of my closest friends. One of the most unforgettable challenges was to learn a new language as quickly as possible before reaching a new country with the help of that Thomas Cook phrasebook
  
• Met a cute Hungarian man who then became long distance good friend and we still keep in touch
• made friends over the net with a French lad from Pirey, who then found his love while visiting me there (in bradford) and we are also still friends
• When i thought I had my first ever proper boyfriend (SH), who then left me just after 3 months we hooked up due to geographical separations and incompatibility
• Met with another guy while still dating that ex-boyfriend, SH and he fancied me so much. But I left him on the account of loyalty to the ex and on different grounds (that he deserved a girl who truly loves him)
• Going to the cinema was one of the social activities amongst us undergraduate students. Titanic was the first ever movie i watched in the cinema during winter 1997. I've never been to a cinema even in malaysia before that.
• Just like that Wannabe-spice girls song and so does my friendship that never ends with most of the chem-engers bradford as well as some of those in the MISG society.
• It's where I obtained my first degree and my graduation was on the 8th July 1999, one bright, beautiful summer day.
• Got to know and fell in love with London
• Had my first kiss in London with SH.
  

My times in London were that of:

• Progressing myself in my chemical engineering knowledge
• Learning about people, about men more and more
• My first encounter with politics in the department
• Went out on a date with men of different races, creed and background
• Moving around the city almost effortlessly doesn't matter by the public transport as well as driving around
• living on my own
• had some fallouts with friends
• Still in touch with many ex-college friends, where some of them are already confidants
• people perceived me as a local girl
• living on a more posh lifestyle
• rubbing shoulder with the movers and shakers and those Hollywood celebrities
• emancipation and liberation and my own prerogative
• Growing up and embracing the true me
• had my taste of the first proper commitment with the bengal dude for almost three years (first half in the UK and remaining time in malaysia)
• having a sensible gay-radar
• Found a reluctant soul mate in H
• Had mugging experience twice, first managed to retrieve my wallet and the second, I had to lodge a police report for a total loss of the wallet (together with my old IC before that mykad, ,driving license, bankcards etc and a 10pounds note).
• Summer was not a long holiday for me, as I still continued on working on my PhD braving through the sweltering heat and long days.
• French friend came visiting me from time to time all the way from France till he decided to do his Masters degree in UCL and we got to meet more often. And on his graduation day, he invited me to join in the ceremony.
• Hungarian friend came all the way from Budapest with his then boyfriend during his gay-switching year. He now switched back to being heterosexual and finally made it to dentistry school in Romania. I love him dearly and I hope he can come visit me here in malaysia one day.
• Fun years in general. I miss London and it will always be my second home.
  

I've always prayed that whomsoever will be my future boyfriend, will be better than the previous one otherwise it will not live up to my higher standards. I dunno if i actually found one but deep inside i think i do. And especially on the fateful Tuesday night, 20 November 2007, I think now i have understood what Abang Idham and Kak Ruby have been telling me in my previous entry's comment.

When I watched one of my favourite movies: When Harry Met Sally, there was this moment when Sally cried silly having found out that her ex, Joe got married to a girl whom he knew for a short while. All those promises Joe made to her like flying to Rome the next day, and so on never really took place and this reminded me of my other ex, Bengal dude(BD). Except that I don't feel like crying over the ending of the relationship even though he has declared that he is now going steady with another girl. I used to cry for all the uncertainties I had over the years I spent with him (BD) and trying to deny by convincing myself that things will get better somehow. Deep down, i know that BD does not deserve me and the little pride inside me that I can get any single man I want if I want it. Not a big deal. Because I know I am worth it.

May God ease our efforts to learn to love each other more and more.....And one day I would like to hear him (MJ) telling me he loves me from the bottom of his heart on a really special occasion. I've been in and out of relationships, mostly flings, yet I am still able to fall in love once again. Somehow, i dont think I have someone to call my first love yet I remembered my first date back in 1994 and that i shed a few tears for him. I remembered who was the first man ever to give me a bouquet of roses in 1993. I remembered my first kiss in London. I remembered my first time being totally in love in the end of 1999. I remembered my last crush back in 2003. And man have I kept my memories on so many things ups and downs in my life including this Italian man who gave me Aqua di Gio (one of my favourite perfumes) as a present and a token of friendship in summer 2001. On the other hand, MJ can never forget his first love to a woman from within his immediate families (first cousin or something like that) and she has already married with kids. He told me that he can learn to love a new person in his life even though it will take some time.

These three songs are like describing what I feel, somehow, someway:


Song #1: Dealova by Once (on-che):





Song#2 : One of my all time favourite love songs: All my life , by K-Ci and Jojo:






Song#3 :Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack: When I fall in love, by Celine Dion and Clive Griffin:

Good thing my works, research and so on kept me away from being angau (hopelessly thinking) of him except in a good way, like a muse to me. And strange enough, I have found some strength not to utter those "i love you" words to him too. Perhaps i was being careful not to hurt myself with melodramatic, hopefulness moments. What is it to expect anymore? Hope can be tiring but i rather put it into a more positive perspective. Somehow I tend to compare MJ/his situation with those men I would call my old flames and it only made me taking some precautions not to repeat any silly mistakes i have done. I was just being analytical. After all, I am a natural researcher.