We met each other nearly seven years ago in a southern state of Malaysia. Although i must admit that I did not actually remember vividly that first day we were introduced by our then boss but we did shake our hands. It was the first day of my life working as an engineer.
Fresh from my undergraduate studies abroad, i chose to keep a distant with those malays (orang kita). Not that i hate my own people (or more precisely, half of me belong to that group), I had had a lot of nasty experience as i get closer to them. Nevertheless, this was my perception back then. My best friend is a malay (half chinese) and i do have a LOT of very close malay friends. But due to many of the malays affinity towards gossipping and backbiting, i thought i had better be safe than sorry when it came to dealing with these people in general. The fact he was not a malay and not even a malaysian though he is a south-east asian fella and has malay roots made it more "easier" so to speak for me to communicate with each other minus negation. And english was our medium.
However, that first time was another story for him. He recalled it as one of those unforgettable moments of his life. He actually fell in love with me the moment i stepped into our office division. The only drawback about it was that he was a married man, and still is a married man. Only a week after i started my job there, the fasting month of Ramadhan began. Living on my own in a state that i have never really been in my life has forced me to become more and more independent. But i do need to have friends, those i can hang out with. The only close friends i had there live about 20minutes drive away.
Then came the 1st day of Ramadhan. It was on a weekend. I wanted to go out to see the city and places around as part of familiarizing myself of where i was staying. And so I started asking my newlyfound officemates if there was anyone kind enough to accompany me for that matter. It seemed like no one actually was prepared to sacrifice his/her time for a new officemate like me, except him. He took my invitation with "open arms"...very welcoming. I thought just because he is not malaysian, he understood the urge of wanting to learn about new places. I have no other interest in him at that time. The only thing i was trying to establish in a new working environment was the sense of camaraderie amongst my officemates.
As he accepted my invitation, we started planning on what time we should meet up, where and so on. Since it was the 1st day of ramadhan, i preferred to go out in the morning so that I will not get hungry and tired too soon. Especially that i had the opportunity to take my sahur (the early breakfast before dawn).
The 1st day of ramadhan. He came to pick me up from home much, much earlier than our scheduled time. I didn't know exactly what was this excitement was about. Come on, it was just an outing...and probably a little bit of shopping if i still have the energy. But heck, i appreciated his efforts and we went out as early as 8.00am. Obviously no shopping mall opened around that hour. So we basically walked around the city till we entered a zoo there. It was still early and only very few visitors turned up as we entered the animal sanctuary. We spoke on basic stuff, about ourselves really, background stories and so on. I kept reminding myself that this cute-looking, nicely built physique man is indeed a married man with 1 kid. He told me that both his wife and son were at his country and he was staying with some of his countrymen friends in a terraced double storey house. Man, he is taken. Yupp, no doubt about it. Must stay focused on such facts. Must not lead him on. Must not cross the line. Arrrghhhh fuck this temptation....this very very dangerous temptation....forbidden fruits....easy woman, easy....it's ramadhan. (and many many more things i've been saying inside my heart).
As we left the zoo, we continued walking down the pedestrian lane adjacent to the sea. It was kinda romantic by the way. After a while, we sat on a bench there facing the sea. There he dropped this one massive bombshell: he confessed that he was in love with me! Fucking outttt.....!!!!! I was just about to get over with that other fella (ex-boyfriend) who lived abroad that time. Why oh why such thing ever happened to me! Not especially with a guy worth looking at! bloodyhell this was not easy for me at all....and definitely not easy for him either....i had to steady myself, tried to remain cool, calm and collected over hearing such confession. Must not fret. That was just the spur of the moment....must be that stupid pheromones we caught at the zoo.
There...I was weak and pathetic and totally was not prepared for all that.
We continued sitting there for a while, while i tried to digest those words slowly and painfully but those words became more and more like a music to my heart....Soon, i'll be that other woman in his life.
I tried to talk to him and reminded him of his marital position. He was very very clear on that but he just could not resist it any longer. He felt very strange as well the moment i walked into our office. It was like another thunderbolt came striking his heart, as if that angel of love, that mystical cupid gave him a second chance on getting that falling in love feelings once again. He said it has been five years since he had had such feelings for a woman, and she was his wife. I was torn between euphoria and melancholia. Should i be happy or should i be prepared to get hurt. The truth was i actually liked it. Yes, I did. Not in the sense that i wanna be the home wrecker. But in the sense that i didnt know love is all around until I met him. And he was not just any guy. He was a goodlooking guy. What can i do.....after all i am a human and i was still very young. With that kinda attention, who wouldnt feel "cair"?
He remained ever so gentleman as he refused to eat or drink the whole time we were together during the day. He wanted to share my fasting experience and he would love to break the fast , buka puasa with me later in the evening, just after dusk (hate to say this but that day felt like a romantic version of the movie "from dusk till dawn" but in the reverse order).
We killed our afternoon time by watching a movie. It was Toy Story 2 or something like that. During the cinema hour, we both felt like teenagers making it up in the movie seat. Well, not that we did make up, but we nearly did. The dark ambience, cool surroundings, not so many audience around....and this newly lovebirds just got to know each others' feelings....sigh....another big temptation.
We buka puasa together at some swanky but not very posh restaurant. But swanky nonetheless. We got closer and closer by the end of the day. I really enjoyed his company. He then sent me home on a cab and bid each other goodbye at my doorstep.
The next day i woke up for my sahur, i just had had to reflect on what had just happened last night. I thought for quite a long while. I knew it was wrong to be in love with a married man, but i knew i could feel something inside me started to grow. Monday and we shall meet again. How could i not see him, he was my officemate after all.
Because of that, he inspired me to write a diary. (My other significant guy who also rocked my world has inspired me to write a blog. Too sweet were those moments need to be captured by any means possible.)
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