We are each other's angels (part 4)

The final two months were the battle to fight such love feelings towards each other. I decided to move back to my hometown and quit my job there. Seeing that as the best option, he too decided to quit the job there as well and get some rest back in his hometown while applying other jobs in other places and other countries hopefully.


One weekend afternoon, we went out , and such outing were one of our last outings together. We had those heart-to-heart talks and to my surprise, I saw him in tears. That was definitely the 1st time ever I see a man (not my family members laa) weeping in front of me, for me. I don’t know whether to call that as one of the sweetest moments of my life or one of the most tragic. But I settled for the former reason. I never knew that there would be a man capable of loving me ever so dearly that he would drop all the ego barriers as a man and would do things they have dreaded in their life as a man. I was gobsmacked, yet full of pride. What a Kodak moment that was. It still brought me smiles and well, a little bit of tears in my eyes, but not overly.

Those personal fights towards stopping ourselves to continue having feelings for each other really took its toll. We both hurt like hell. I could cry during my lunch hour alone without trying hard. There were also times when we had had to force to ignore each other and only talk to each other in the most professional manner. Such odd behaviour was quickly noticed by all of our officemates. The height of the “turmoil” became more apparent especially when I have tendered my resignation letter to our division boss. Good thing none of our colleagues really bothered to ask on our troubled friendship because both of us have made it looked like normal when it came to socializing with them. Nevertheless, a few did try to ask on what was going on between us, but we made it clear that it was just those moments of trying to accept the fact that we gonna be apart soon. What they didn’t know was that he would also follow my footpath on leaving our old company soon after my departure.

One of the ways of keeping my sanity during those final days was by inviting my sisters to stay with me. The first to pay the visit was my fourth sister who stayed with me over a week or so. I even took her to my office nonchalantly on every other day. No one in my office objected to it. My fourth sister got to know my officemates including him and all three of us went out together for dinner a few times. She quickly received attentions from my office colleagues as well as the neighbouring ones. One of them even asked my permission if he could take her out for a dinner. Funny people them lots.

My sister saw that quality in him that I like but we both still teased him just to spite him for being the married one and all. After she left, approximately 3 weeks after that, my 3rd sister came over. She didn’t join me to the office but she still got introduced to him. Having just found out that her former boyfriend cheated on her with another girl, she had wanted to go far, far away from whatever familiar places and things. So I’ve asked her to come and stay with me for a couple of days while she nurses her wounded heart.


Both my sisters made friends with him. But since the third one was not in the mood to chit-chatting much, he got chummier with the fourth one, even until today. He was so brotherly with them that I felt even sadder on the thoughts of going each others’ way soon.


The last month before I left, he began to avoid seeing me much. The day when we bid farewell to each other, we managed to take it calmly. Only God knows how broken and weak I was inside. But I must stay strong, especially for that moment. He gave me more advices and one of them that I will never forget was: I deserved so much better in life, and I deserved a much, much better man to love and care for me, and that I shall never settle for any less when it comes to marrying the rightful man for me.

Back in my house (family’s house of course), I cried almost every night thinking of him and us. Of all the bitter-sweet memories that we have shared. I got a new job very soon after that. The one that I did my interview while I did my first month in my old company. I was officially a UKM employee.

I called him at his hometown one night and again we both got too carried away, crying and all. He said that (and has been saying it time and time again) I will always be a part of him for the rest of his life.

After 2 months of crying at night, I got rather tired of it...very, very tired indeed. On the eve of my birthday, I made a new pledge, and a totally new resolution. It shall be the biggest turning point in my life. Tomorrow shall be the moment to turn over a new leaf all together.

All that we had were so mutual, so wonderful despite its wrongness. It took us to another level in our lives. Thank God that we managed to bring out the best in each other. Thank God that we have found each other. Thank God that I can finally exorcise my inferiority complex demons when it comes to feeling unattractive. Thank God that I can finally regain my self-esteem and confidence while continuously improving on my social skills. Thank God that I have then realised how wonderful it was to be a woman without ever changing my own self (I was always a bit of a tomboy and a little bit rough on the attitude until I met him). And many, many more...


I probably needed those lessons in not just the hard way, but also in ways I have never even thought of....ever...some miracles came in many disguises, same as the blessings. I am glad that it happened for the betterment of both of us. He ended up getting much, much better job with much, much better pay that he well deserved. His relationship with his wife has gone into much, much better level that after we went into separate ways, he was bestowed with two more children and this time he took them to stay with him wherever he works. Recently, he emailed me a photo of him and his family and he looked happier than ever. He kept asking me from time to time when I am gonna get married and settle down and all. I told him, now would be the most opportune time for me to begin praying hard to accomplish yet another rewarding achievement of my life and obviously my parents hope: that I shall marry and have my own family.


I have since got over him but i can never erase him and our memories from my mind forever. Even though it is almost impossible for us to ever marry each other (by the way, he is catholic), his existence in my life will always be one of the signs that good things will come to those who waits (with patience and lots of prayers).