It was only 2 weeks since we actually formed some sort of a close bond together right afther that first outing on the 1st day of Ramadhan, and now he was leaving to his country for christmas holiday. It'll be my aidil fitri soon too. The day he left me, i started to feel a bit lost. I just couldnt figure out why. Was i starting to miss him already?
Then one night, about few days before i went back to my family for raya hols, i had this moment where i began to cry my heart and eyes out....pretty much dramatic, thats for sure. It happened right after i did my evening prayers followed by the taraweeh prayers. I sat on my praying mat, contemplating about many things in my life. About how cruel was that abroad guy who was so chicken of accepting some trials in life when it comes to a long distance relationship. I was bitter....really bitter...but i didnt cry for him....never....it was more like that internal anger deep down inside my heart. Stupid fucked up dude. Coward tahap max! bodo....and etc profanities that i only uttered inside my heart too, as a sign of respect to the holy month of ramadhan and because i was still wrapped in my praying telekung costume.
Then, all of a sudden, i started to weep as i was thinking of him ( my officemate la). What he was doing and so on...soon it got worse....i started to realise that i missed him like hell. Yes I did miss him....Could not deny that any longer...but i knew it was wrong to feel that way....it was sooooo wrong to even began to have feelings with a married man let alone missing his company that much. Those mixed up feelings grew even worse up to the point that i finally let it all out....tears after tears streaming down my face....this has never occurred to me....no way i was never that big crybaby when it comes to man. I was always the stronger one. Damn, i felt so overwhelmed by all that had happened in a short period of time. How can such thing affected me that bad? As i was crying, i suddenly realised that i was also in love with him. No wonder it hurt me so bad. No wonder i could not stop myself from crying a river for that matter. That night , i shall always remember it as the 1st time ever this lady understood what love is.
Not that it was really the very very 1st time i wept for a man (excluding my dad, family, prophet muhammad). I did weep a bit when i thought of my very 1st true puppy love, or shall i call it the very 1st moment of truth as I opened up my heart to a guy. That puppy love guy, he's damn cute too, tall and all. My type basically. We didnt continue our relationship as it was opposed by my parents. They said i was still too young to have an affair with another man and i should concentrate on my studies 1st. Right. That happened after my SPM. I obeyed my parents. But he will never be out of my mind forever and i really hope to see him again one day.
Love hurts....now thats another revelation for me. Damn well it hurts....
He rang me at our office one fine afternoon. He too missed me and asked me if i wanted anything as a souvenir from his country. I wasnt thinking that far ahead but i didnt want to trouble him either. So i asked for a hard rock cafe tshirt bearing his city's name.
Ooo...by the way, before he left for xmas hols, we went out and did some shopping at one of the main shopping malls there. He asked me what would i want for raya, and i thought probably a baju kebaya would be cheaper than an Aqua gi Gio perfume. He then let me choose the baju kebaya and went to pay for it as a gift for me. He was really a sweet guy....not only a gentleman but also sweet. What a great package to have a guy like him. And i silently prayed to God that if i was to get a husband, it should be something like him...not exactly like him, but this future husband should have many of his qualities put it that way.
What to do, both of us are engineers. He does civil and i do chemical. Building blocks while ensuring the chemical aspects of it are intact. Sounds ideal right? Well, almost.
2 comments:
Well, Manal, let's put it this way ... if this guy could blatantly cheat on his wife like that, there's a very good chance that he can do the same to you, too if you two do get married.
I'm sorry, but I have little respect for men who could do that to his wife and child(ren). It just reflects on the kind of person he is: dishonest, untrustworthy & sneaky. Definitely not the kind of person I would want to spend the rest of my life with.
Kuatkan iman & kuatkan semangat, you should be fine. Iblis/syaitan are always there to try & talk us into doing the wrong things.
Yupp, you are right, and so pls continue reading the stories on how painful it was for both of us, and how it then became an enlightening "adventure" for both of us after a 5 months rendesvous. Hopefully by then will you understand why we are each other's angels.
Dont worry, we are still good buddies. Such was a rather overwhelming episodes in my life, totally unforgettable and it was the biggest turning point in my life. Even though it only happened for 5 months, it has made me what i am now: a better woman.
PS: I do not encourage any relationship with a married man nor a single man with married woman. Trust in karma of life, what goes around, comes around.
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